It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
