Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
