life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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