Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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