Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
