hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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