I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
