my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
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He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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