All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
