She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
