There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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