a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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