I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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