Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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