party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
