I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
