her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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