hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You are a genius and a whore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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