Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They took my balls.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
