tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
