do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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