i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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