I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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