i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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