just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
