you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
