that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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