Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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