i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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