worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone came in the potted fern
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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