If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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