Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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