you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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