you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
