Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
