he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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