I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
