That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize