Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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