I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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