Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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