when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
