There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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