Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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