life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
