You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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