Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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