brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
