OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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