Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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