i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
