I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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