Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
