Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
