yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
