She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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