I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
