apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I still have a little drunk in my system
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
