I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
