Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That's when you crack a 10am beer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
