My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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