I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
